you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize