hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
