I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
