you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
