Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
