see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
honey bunches of taint.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
