So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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