Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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