I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
