Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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