ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize