the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
