Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
