please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
