but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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