see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
