yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
