your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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