so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
