chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
