i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize