just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
