didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
