cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
