If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize