sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
