just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
