If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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