I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
