i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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