I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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