I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
