I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
