one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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