he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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