He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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