so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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