the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
