we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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