so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
