We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
