Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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