it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize