he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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