Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
