come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize