video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I need to sanitize my soul.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
