I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
