Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
