i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
