I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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