i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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