On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
