Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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