Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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