Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
how drunk are you?
Several
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
