that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I had to cum in my sink.
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