I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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