i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
