nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love you. Go after that dick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
