yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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