Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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