fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
