I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
