Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
