9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
