I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Randomize
