I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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