11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
