do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i drank out of a bidet.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
