For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
