4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize