How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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