remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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