is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
