Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
