HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
