Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
